Big Bag of Rocks Part 2

Lauren H. Zander The Handel Group, LLC

Yesterday I discussed how children create "truths" about life, themselves, their abilities and the world. These assessments, based on children's immaturity and their lack of tools for handling situations, often are carried into adulthood and almost always are wrong. Unfortunately, carrying this emotional baggage of flawed assumptions into adulthood compromises the chance for good health, happiness and success. Many people live their lives in a state of unresolved anger and often end up with a variety of health issues as a result of this negative energy, including chronic back trouble, fibroid tumors, assorted autoimmune-based conditions, headaches, high cholesterol and cardiac issues, not to mention a variety of relationship or career problems.

Eastern thought has understood the role of energy for centuries, though it is a relatively new concept in the West. There are many alternative practices that address energy flows -- acupuncture, Reiki massage, hands on healing, etc. These treatments deal with the physical flow of energy. To address the issues from an emotional and mental state, specially trained personal coaches are helping people uncover and unlock their "stuck" energies. Lauren Zander, who coaches groups and individuals on how to live life to the fullest, has guided many people through the steps that rid them of their baggage.
This is a reprinted from Daily Health News, November 4, 2003
URL: http://www.bottomlinesecrets.com/blpnet/article.html?article_id=34328

Letting Go

The first step, says Zander, is awareness. You must recognize that all people, including you, hold beliefs that hurt you -- about yourself, your past experiences, your present experiences and other people. Accept the possibility that the baggage you've carried for years simply is not valid and be willing to investigate it with care. Look at any negative belief you have -- whether it is seeing yourself as accident-prone, lacking the confidence to leave a job you hate or not believing others love you. Whatever your current reality, Zander points out a surprising and seemingly contradictory truth about it: "People think that what they wish for is what they are committed to, but it's not. In fact, you are committed to what you have," she says. Recognizing and accepting this means you can accept responsibility for where you are in your life. And then, having accepted that you created your current situation, you are empowered to change it by confronting the untruths that got you there.

Steps to Take

During coaching, Zander works with people to help them unlock their true stories about themselves and their lives. Through a series of exercises and inquiries, they slowly peel the layers of false beliefs away, freeing themselves to create a new set of beliefs about themselves and their lives.

Step 1: Zander recommends starting this process by writing out your story concerning your negative beliefs. Ask yourself...

- What are the examples of my negative beliefs?
- What were the childhood incidents that were the most hurtful?
- What happened?
- What do I think I did about them?

Now, looking back at the events as an adult, what about them do you know for sure was true? What are you now not sure of and what do you simply not know? If possible, consult with others who were also there or involved. Ask a sibling what his or her perception of the event was. You may find that it was totally different than yours.

Step 2: Rewrite your story to see how changing your actions would have affected the outcome. Perhaps you consider yourself not especially smart and your proof is that you didn't do well in school. That's logical enough, but revisiting your high school experience may turn up the fact that you didn't study. Had you tackled the books the way the "A" students did, it's likely you would have been among them and you would picture yourself today, all these years later, as a "whiz."

When your story has to do with a parent or other close person, consider two levels, says Zander. Consider what the event (or relationship) has done to you and why the other person was the way he was. Empathy, she points out, is something that children don't yet have, but adults can bring to the table. For example, with empathy, you can understand that although you were angry that your father was withdrawn, you see now that he was constantly worried about finances... or that your mother was cranky not because she didn't love you but because she longed to have a career. Zander advises people to talk out these issues with the person involved, though she cautions to do so without slipping into "righteous resentment."

Step 3: Self-blame is another common part of emotional baggage. Again, says Zander, investigate childhood events that give you that uncomfortable shudder of guilt. Review them now to see what really went on and if your guilt is misplaced. People are fundamentally committed to being good, says Zander. As you investigate events, you may realize you had no control over a situation that has caused you life-long guilt, such as a parents' divorce. On the other hand, perhaps as a child you did do something naughty. Can you now forgive yourself so that you can let it go and move on?

END RESULTS

By letting go of your emotional baggage -- the blame, the worry, the resentment -- you can reclaim your power to design your life or, in this case, redesign it. Zander reminds people that as children they used their power to decide, albeit erroneously, what they would be. That power is still there. Today, with an adult's maturity and intelligence, you can decide, design and get the life you really want. Not the one that a child thought it should be.

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