The Mask of Plastic Surgery

Understanding the Realities of the Aging Process

Lauren H. Zander The Handel Group, LLC

I recently watched a mature woman being interviewed on a morning
news program who had endured a terrible year with a divorce and a
death in the family. It was truly very tragic for her. A year after all of
the tragedy, she had felt that she had overcome her pain thanks to a
face-lift and cosmetic dental work. She seemed happy and said she
felt more confident. Perhaps she was, but can altering the outside
actually help her better handle these very serious life challenges?

Aging and appearance has become such a peculiar issue in our
culture. With mass media's worship of the young, nubile and wrinklefree,
getting older has become almost a character flaw -- to be
delayed and, for many, denied whenever possible. It's hardly a
surprise, then, that the popularity of plastic surgery and cosmetic
techniques has soared both among the young and, more to the point,
the old hoping to look young. This troubles me, frankly, but not
because I am against cosmetic fix-ups. I worry that all this attention to
the outside prevents people from looking at what is happening
internally.

I took these concerns to life coach Lauren Zander, of The Handel
Group (www. handelgroup.com), for her insights. Lauren first pointed
out that this focus on appearances reaches beyond cosmetic changes
-- many people today are primarily focused on the outward
appearance of their lives. Rather than trying to keep up with the
Joneses, they are trying to be the Joneses. They show off the "quality"
of living that they have achieved through their home, clothes, cars,
vacation choices, even the restaurants they patronize -- all kinds of
external factors that people feel make them worthy.

Yes, attention to living a nice life is important and can be rewarding as
well as fun... but when attention to physical or material measures
takes priority over the emotional and spiritual aspects of life, it
becomes dangerous -- it is now an attempt to draw meaning from
things that are not intended to provide it… or to hide behind them. This
brings us back to the potential problem with plastic surgery, says
Lauren. She is completely in favor of cosmetic surgery if, she says, it
makes people feel better about a specific trait that they feel has held
them back or gotten in their way of relaxing and being fully confident.
But if the goal of surgery is to paint over feelings of not being good
enough inside, the "solution" will be feeble and short lived and the
emotional problems will soon rear their head again. Indeed, when
people fixate on cosmetic changes -- or for that matter any external
alteration or possession -- as "The Answer," they are courting trouble.
For example, a woman might decide she needs a facelift to make
herself prettier so that her marriage will be better. She is now stuck in
the idea that an external change is the answer, which prevents her
from looking inside where she is likely to find a real (however scary)
solution to her unhappy marriage.

THE BEAUTY OF AGING

This perversion of focusing on a youthful appearance permeates the
aging issue. Aging and all that it entails happens to everyone who
lives, but some people attempt to sneak away from the feelings and
fears by fixating instead on the youthful looks the surgeon, or hair
dresser, or new clothes, or sports car can give them. "They focus on
how great they look and this grants them, they think, permission not to
experience the feelings about getting old," says Lauren. With their
identity now centered on their external presentation, the question
becomes, what are these people missing in their internal relationship
with themselves? Are they afraid to be with themselves? Do they not
like what they see? Are they afraid of what they see? In their
determination to stay "young," are they throwing away the opportunity
to evolve and develop pride and true acceptance of themselves,
whatever their age? Are they not facing their fears of aging? Of dying?

FINDING A WHOLE NEW MEANING OF SELF

Aging offers people the opportunity to find new and deeper meaning in
themselves and life. Without the familiar reassurance of looking as
they did in youth, people are forced to decide whether to make
themselves miserable about their lined face and sun-blotched hands,
or to go deep within themselves to investigate and take pride in their
real sense of self-worth and personal identification. It is an opportunity
to stop looking in the mirror and instead reflect on the
accomplishments of their lives... the sense of self... the people they've
touched... and the big and small ways they have impacted the world
around them. No one else can decide that for another. Everyone must
venture into the deeper feelings and inner happiness and the
experience of being alive and, yes, of getting old.

As a society we have backed ourselves into a corner on this aging
thing, hiding behind another surgery to deny a little while longer the
reality of accumulating years, or in the case of the woman on
television, perhaps hiding behind her fears of being alone or of dealing
with loss. It is time for people to come out into the open to
demonstrate the grace and wisdom of age, says Lauren. Getting old is
part of the cycle of life and can, indeed should, be a spiritual
experience. Aging is a rite of passage and the challenge before us as
we grow old is to explore the personal meaning of that rite of passage
-- to live it, to enjoy it, to fully experience it.

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