Why People Overeat

Secret To Weight Loss Has Nothing to Do With Food Choice

Lauren H. Zander The Handel Group, LLC

The fact that people continue to smoke cigarettes defies logic, given
the enormous amount of harm it does to an individual. Similarly,
people who are overweight continue along their current path despite
the frequent new studies about the dangers of being overweight.
There is an obesity epidemic in America -- clearly there is more than
just too many french fries going on for these individuals.

"Agreed," say life coach Lauren Zander, principal of Handel Group
Private Coaching (www.handelgroup.com), who spoke with me about
why people are not dealing with the very real danger that excess
weight presents. According to her, the situation of too many pounds
isn't a matter of yet another diet. "It isn't about cheesecake," said
Lauren. Rather it is about individuals who do not feel proud of
themselves in general, be it their bodies or their station in life, which in
turn makes them feel like they cannot control their lives nor do
anything to change the situation. Lauren works with her clients to help
them understand that they indeed are the only ones in control of their
bodies and their lives and they can lose weight once they understand
what is driving them to eat unhealthfully in the first place.

LEARN THAT YOU CAN TAKE CHARGE

Having what you want in all areas of your life is about integrity, or
doing what you say you will do. Food is just one measurable example
of the bigger picture. Interestingly, learning to keep your word with
regard to what you do or do not eat and whether or not you control
your weight is a building block to all of your other dreams. When you
learn to honor your body you will also learn to honor the other hopes
and dreams you have in your life, since, as you will see, being at a
healthy weight is simply another item on a person's list of hopes and
dreams.

The first step in losing weight, therefore, is to take ownership of your
choice to lose weight and of your body. There is some number on the
scale and an image you want to see when you look in the mirror that
will delight you. This is not based on what other people think -- it is the
number on the scale and the way of looking that makes you happy.
Not achieving these goals holds back your self-confidence.

Step two, says Lauren, is for a person to accept the body that he/she
was given -- and work with it. "Many people actually separate
themselves mentally from their body because they feel they "got
stuck" with the one they have, rather than having had a choice in
getting the one they would have preferred," explains Lauren.

The problem is exacerbated by a more general resentment about
being stuck with life and having had no choice or control about that
either. The way these "victims" express their resentment is through
resistance, breaking rules like teenagers who act out. You hear this all
the time in attitudes of "who cares," "have another drink" and, for our
purposes here, "but I like doughnuts." By numbing themselves through
thoughtless eating, people further separate themselves from their
bodies.

MAKING THE SHIFT

The question to ask yourself, then, is this: What number and picture
do you carry in your mind? Remember, that number is the number that
makes you feel great and confident -- it is not about being a cover
model. It's crucial when you answer this to be absolutely honest -- no
attempts to deny or justify why you aren't there. Then, once you have
your number and image, it must become a part of your life, much like
brushing your teeth is a part of your life.

This is not about dieting, it is about making a promise to yourself and
learning to keep that promise. Making promises to yourself and
keeping them is the foundation for having what you want in every area
of your life. Food and diet is a relatively easy and visible place to
practice making these promises to yourself. This is not a superficial
gesture, Lauren emphasizes, because reaching your weight goal
shows you that you can meet your own ideal.

In fact, weight loss is a particularly dramatic act because it is such
visible evidence that shows change is possible and that you can affect
it. So, each day you brush your teeth and you follow your food
promises. If you break your food promises, look at the excuses you
told yourself as to why you chose to eat dessert or have a second
helping and then go back and reaffirm the weight you intend to be and
how you are going to get there.

Of course making these promises are easier said than done. It takes
considerable focus and effort and many find they are better able to do
this by working with a life coach or other professionals who
understand food addiction and weight issues.

In particular, Lauren explains that successful weight loss also requires
investigating your dysfunctional relationship with food. All overweight
people have a personal history with food that they've turned into a
running saga, she says, a character-filled drama that goes back to
childhood and sticks in memory with perpetual thorns.

Your task now is to dislodge these thorns, watching for how you
connect other people to your food choices, which in turn gives it
disproportionate power over your life. As an example, rather than
admitting that you are choosing to eat oversized portions, you may
connect eating with being safe.

By seeing the saga you have been living in, you can then see that you
are not just a character in your drama -- you are in fact its author. And,
most important, you are now free to construct a new life for yourself.
You can dismantle the old stories that were never true and create new
ones about the role food plays in your life, creating positive
associations with the right foods and no longer "medicating yourself"
with the wrong ones.

Once you accept and embrace being the one in charge, you are ready
to get down to the business of reaching your weight-loss goal. Lauren
advises starting small. Set a few new rules each week. For the first
week, for example, you might limit bread and desserts to no more than
twice a week. Next you might eliminate them completely and add in
more fruits and vegetables, and so on.

Throughout, however, keep a list of what you are eating. This will
make you more mindful about your choices and help you spot
potential problem areas. People who have more than 20 pounds to
lose may need to get a coach or join a group such as Greysheet, a
branch of Overeaters Anonymous, says Lauren. She recommends it
as an excellent, though admittedly intense, way to overcome personal
food addictions.

Being in charge of being in a body you love is win-win in every way.
Lauren reports that people find having accomplished it makes
everything get better. Besides improving your health, it energizes your
confidence and understanding that you can do well for yourself. Once
that is in motion, she adds, it carries over to the other areas of your
life. If you start to measure how much you suffer because you don't
love your body, you understand this is about happiness, not dieting.

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