“A Good Fight”

So, of course, since the Sex, Intimacy and Staying in Love (SIS) just started, I had to have a juicy fight with my darling husband last night. Please promise me you’ll at least try not to judge me too harshly if I tell you the truth about how I really am. The Handel Method is all about how the truth sets you free, and it always does! So, I guess I’ll confess for my own good. Maybe you are a little like this yourself?

I think I am the center of the universe. I will never naturally think about things from another’s perspective (unless I’m being paid of course or under the weight of a promise with a consequence). My poor sweet husband asked me last night to sit down for a very short chat about things he wants to take on and improve in our relationship. All I could think about was “how is this going to impact ME?” I pretended to listen, but he could tell, I was busy tensing up. At his first pause (which I swear was a period, not the comma he insists it was) I interrupted to ask him for specifics. That got him pissed—he hates when I interrupt and hates when I ask for what he is about to tell or give, denying him the pleasure of giving it. Plus, he could tell he wasn’t sitting with the wife he likes, the one who champions him and supports him, but instead he was with his scary, selfish, emotional wife, the one he needs to ride out (since fighting with me just gets me going). I got totally defensive and went on the attack, turned myself quickly into the victim of my interruption! How could he get mad at me so fast when I was “trying so hard?” He called the “trying hard” a lie. Damn him for understanding what I teach!

We volleyed back and forth for a little while both of us knowing we were in our archetypal fight and knowing we weren’t going to unlock righteousness’s (yes I made up that word) then and there. With time apart I could see I should have taped my mouth—it would have helped. I know to do this when we are going over the budget. I know how my husband explains things, sometimes the most important info comes at the end, and I MUST be patient. It is only fair, he is so patient with me. I did manage to eke out the admission that I was having an emotional response (fear) to the discussion topics he was raising (sex and religion, hello!!) and he came around to understanding the predictability of that. Happy ending for now.

Are you glad to know coaches fight with their spouses? I never intend to stop, especially since they can teach me and us so much, not to mention drive up some nice heat between us. Honestly, I like a good fight. Since working on myself my fights with my husband are much more rare, but much more juicy, and boy has he learned to handle me better. Stay tuned to hear how the group is going and what I learn from the other ladies, all of whom want to love more deeply but aren’t sure yet that they want to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, yet. I am trying to start a trend here.