"Have your Dream Body"
President of HG Private Coaching Division

Co-founder of The Handel Group and expert life coach, Lauren Zander was just mentioned numerous times in Shape Magazine (March issue p.148!) Her job is to coach a writer through weight loss over the course of a year. The author writes about her journey of working down from 235lbs, with the help of a personal trainer, nutritionist and life coach, Lauren. It's month 3 and she is already down to 210lbs. She attributes her success, of course, to the capable guidance of experts in food and exercise, but this month she speaks about how important her mind is in the matter. Just before Spring and "less-clothing" weather, I want to highlight some of the points and comment on the role of life coaching in the process of weight loss - or as we call it "designing your dream body." We all know that dieting and exercise is only part of the picture. Yes, we wish it were as simple as just changing behaviors, but we know it's not. We have so much to say on the topic, we are currently designing audio products and writing a book about the truth about weight loss. Here's a preview on some of the basic principles we are teaching our SHAPE writer and the participants in our Dream Body coaching programs:

1) The voice in your head is busy and it collects data and analysis from a
bunch of different realms: your past habits, your health history, your
"personality," how your parents ate, how they look, how they fed you, what
mealtimes were like growing up, family or religious culture, how your friends and community deal with diet and exercise, society, and on and on. So stymied are we with the project of loving our bodies, we turn everywhere for explanations and understanding of our struggles and predicament. We aren't doing this on purpose, the mind is naturally busy making up explanations for everything we don't like. That's what it does left to its own devices, in any area of life where we aren't dealing. Stop and listen sometime; you'll hear it.

2) That voice is not saying very useful stuff to you. There are several difficulties with the voice. First of all, it's mean, almost unreasonably so. That was our SHAPE writer's biggest issue. The voice in her head kept comparing her to other people and then discouraging her. She got stuck in a cycle of feeling bad, which we all know by now is a DIVERSION! Secondly, the voice has awful logic. It gets convinced of things that have no good grounding in reality like that just because you failed at something once means you'll fail again. Or, because I worked hard today and dealt with a lot of troubling stuff, I deserve pizza. We will even say (lie) that the pizza is comforting, even though we feel crappy physically and emotionally after we eat it. Fascinating logic, no? Who made up the concept "deserving" anyway? Don't we use it awfully conveniently? Lastly, the voice is sneaky and persistent. It is not obvious when it feeds you lies or silliness; it has a very logical tone, often with "statistics" or comparisons to back up its theory (for ex. All my friends get to eat pizza and they're happy and thin. Or, everyone agrees it's harder to get in good shape after the baby etc.)

3) The voice will even talk to you about you. It will suggest that you "have no willpower" or aren't good at following through or even call you lazy. Please be suspicious when it does that. It loves to use those judgments conveniently to get you out of exercising, planning a family event really well, speaking up at a restaurant or just controlling the trip your hand takes from plate to mouth.

4) What if you could claim the voice in your head? And have it start working for you? Right now it works for the "brat" and the "coward," your two most worthy opponents. Lauren recommends giving the voice a name, to separate yourself from it. Then you have a shot at hearing it as a voice, rather than the truth. Our SHAPE writer called her voice "Cindy." Calling it "the brat" also helps because it reminds you where the power really lies-with you! You can let the brat win, but you do have a choice. What if there is no "good reason" or justification for eating the extra serving? What if you just wanted what you wanted and you took it? Not "bad," just a choice. We call that feisty desire to have what you want in the moment at the expense of what would really make you proud, "the brat." If you can see the brat in action and even giggle at it, you have a chance at starting to control it. Once it knows who's boss, it does quiet down.

Life coaching is at its heart all about choices. But before we can even come to understand the choices we really do have and then set up a structure for making great choices, we have got to get a hold on the voice! We need to know its language, all its favorite slogans, chants, accents and triggers. The beginning of coaching always includes a thorough study of everything that feeds the voice its data and theories and it is illuminating! If you've never done it, it's worthwhile. While unraveling all the fascinating theories and philosophies that have gotten a person stuck where they are, we also get people into the right actions and practices. We remind people of the fundamental power of their word-not from a moral position, but from the stand point of building self-respect. How much putting personal integrity into action with your body positively impacts your sense of self and every area of life is startling. People cannot believe it. The tricky thing is, you have to try it to see, and you won't until you do. That's why it's helpful to have a coach, even a group, to remind you how much better it feels, on every level, to say "no" to something you know you're not proud to eat. It is nearly impossible to keep a good intention alive without a lot of support and accountability. We also love to hear each others' challenges and successes, so if you have a "designing your dream body" story to share, please let me know so I can spread the word and help encourage others, especially now with Spring just around the bend! Let us know if we can help.

All the best,

Laurie