Valentine's Day is almost upon us - what a great opportunity to design life. Did you know you have the right to say how Valentine's Day will be for you, whether or not you are in a relationship? You can make sure that you are going to have a great and loving day. I know it's hokey, but this cliché is true: love is a verb. While I'm at it: it's better to give than receive. If you spend Valentine's Day focused on what you can give, what you can bring to the party, I promise you one of your best holidays yet!

In the Handel Method, we always say to take 100% responsibility, not
because that is the right, good, moral or noble thing to do, but because that's what will lead to the most happiness and power. Consider that any "buts..."
you might have about that might be an excuse, or the voice of one of those two rascals I've mentioned before; the "brat" or the "coward." This year, don't listen. SAY how Valentine's Day is going to go and make it happen. SAY what you'll do and give, what spirit you'll bring forth, and stick to it.

Regarding asking for what you want to receive: I highly recommend it. A recurring lament I've heard from many a man is "I'm not a mind reader." If you are in a relationship, please do the work of figuring out what would actually make you happy this holiday (this works for all holidays, by the way) and express it to your significant other with passion but not demand. Just like in all areas, design makes all the difference. This means you have to take the time to connect with yourself, listen to your heart and admit what it is telling you that you want. Then there is being brave enough to take the right actions about it. In some cases it might mean breaking up. I know, scary. In some cases, it might be admitting you want more or revealing a secret thought you've been afraid to say. Or it could be a wish you have for how generous, open or vulnerable you want to be with the one(s) you love. Regardless of what you know is right for you, if you haven't done it yet, it's going to take courage. If you are a little scared, that's a good sign.

A bit of advice for each case:

1) If you are breaking up because you know and are finally ready to admit you're not with the one. Good. I always say "Snacks ruin the meal." To find "the one" you are better off "hungry." Get the support of people who know your deepest dreams for love and won't let you give up. And, get right back out to dating and flirting with real potentials.

2) If you are going to reveal the truth you've been hiding as a way to gain
intimacy with your partner, prepare! Prepare yourself by writing out what you want to say and rehearsing. Make sure you set up the conversation well and make sure you are having it for the right reasons (not to dump but to connect and be real and intimate). Make sure your loved one knows you need private time for the talk and more than a few minutes and make sure he/she knows your intentions are for deepening love. Be proud of your courage. If your confession is a request for something and then you get what you asked for, be happy (it's a very good reward for the giver).

3) If you are going to do something to make yourself more vulnerable, maybe
say "I love you" for the first time, do a strip tease or offer the ring, please remember that FEAR IS NORMAL and shift yourself out of paralysis and into pride. Be proud to be going out of your comfort zone. That is heroic behavior. And my last tip of the day: tell someone what you are going to do and that you'll let them know how it went. That way, you won't likely chicken out!

Have the best Valentine's Day ever!

Laurie