"As a champion avoider, I tend to leave important tasks unattended even while I know they are piling up in the dark corners of my brain, causing anxieties and self-loathing. One such reality was my credit card debt, lurking around and racking up finance charges which would make me furious if I added them all up. I had chosen to avoid facing this problem so I could avoid feeling bad. I even ignored the rest of the statement and only looked at the minimum due so I wouldn't miss any payments. I was afraid if I knew the reality of the situation, I would have to stop doing everything fun and never leave my apartment again. I couldn't face that if I actually examined my debt situation, I would have official evidence that I am stupid and irresponsible.

With the help of my coach, I faced it anyway. I looked at the statements and accepted the balances. I didn't add the amounts - I treated them as two separate mountains to climb. I wanted to pay off as much as I could before I explored transferring balances to a lower APR card. I realized I could get this done if I took it one big bite at a time. Then I faced my checking account balance and brainstormed about where else I could get the money I needed. It turned out I was also avoiding submitting several old expense reports for business travel. My coach launched me into action saying, "Ok, which day this weekend do you want to dedicate to completing your expense reports? How about Sunday?" She was right. With the money I got back from that simple action - a few hours that were definitely worth it, I was able to pay off the card with the smaller balance. I felt instant relief, and the feeling motivated me to keep going. It wasn't even that hard; all I had to do was face the truth and take action.

Next we looked at my overall situation, my fixed costs and where was I spending unnecessarily. My coach gently but firmly suggested that I not buy any new clothes which, of course, made perfect sense, since one of my other major complaints is the state of my tiny, unorganized, overflowing-with-clothes Manhattan apartment. We also committed that I would not take any personal trips until I paid off the debt. To a non-avoider this may not sound particularly constricting, but rather like the obvious first step to paying down debt. But I hadn't done those things previously because I hadn't faced the problem. I had instead exacerbated it by ignoring it and allowing myself to soothe my stress by spending more money (!) small amount by small amount. Accepting that I had habitually spent a good bit of my discretionary income on unnecessary clothing was a fantastic gift. I find much more pride in deciding not to buy something I don't need than in snapping up a new sweater for a quick shopping buzz. And it's easier to advance my apartment-clean-out project if I don't keep adding to the mess.

As for the travel, what a great motivator a coveted reward can be! As soon as I saw my first opportunity to jet over to London to see an old pal on the back of a work trip, I wondered if I could cheat, just this once and then, I heard my coach's voice as I thought, "wait . . . maybe I can just go ahead and pay off the balance and take the trip with integrity." I realized with my year-end bonus I actually had enough money in my account and I was expecting a bit more to come in. I was able to see that the right action was to pay the bill immediately and not leave that money in my account for some imagined rainy day. The reward of seeing my friend in London was just the push I needed to click the mouse. And POOF! It was over! I didn't even feel stupid for waiting so long. I just felt great, . . . weightless . . . free! And I still feel it today, weeks later, that big dark cloud is gone and I am free to concentrate on managing my finances, and in fact my life, without the inescapable worry that I will have to face my looming dilemma, the insurmountable evidence of my stupidity, my HUGE, PARALYZING CREDIT CARD DEBT because I did that and it's gone."