I have to say, sometimes my “oh so brilliant mind” is just not enough to get me out of hell. I have been feeling that that is the case lately. No doubt, I have many structures, rules and promises in place to keep me focused on what I truly want. I only schedule myself a certain way, I eat and exercise a particular way, I commune with my loved ones, I meditate and I manifest. I even have rules about communicating if I get in a funky mood. I know how to write out my thoughts and argue back to myself. I know how to find a bad mental theory and refute it. I am well versed in what works for me, usually.
But every once in awhile, all of that has not been enough. Ugh!
Sometimes, my life feels like it’s moving too fast even if things are working. I can see that success, (in big ways) is finally coming. But, my “little mind” can’t comprehend and doesn’t know HOW to manage or control it. I get scared. It seems too big for little me.
Then I remember-oh yeah, this is a job for my heart, not my mind. All my usual mental tricks to bring me back to emotional stability won’t work!
This is a spiritual crisis and it needs a spiritual answer.
Here’s what I do to ask for that answer.
1) I tell someone, even on a message, all my terrible, dark, “unspeakable” thoughts and feelings. I admit it: I am in the darkness, I am the darkness, I am choosing the darkness. Phewww. This releases me some. I am not alone in my head anymore, but I’m only part way to freedom.
2) I let myself cry. I want to feel it all, and go through it all, so I let myself. This feels a bit cathartic too.
3) To make me go deeper with myself, I’ll get on my hands and knees and then put my head below my heart. I pray to let my heart win over my mind. I pray TO my heart. My heart is my access and connection to a better energy or higher consciousness, something more universal (god? collective consciousness, maybe). I admit, with my body as well as my heart and soul, that I am “powerless” in this moment and I am open to divine help, guidance, some sort of sign, something BIGGER than me and my mind.
4) Okay, so now I maybe sound like I am begging, but now my heart IS open. I feel my vulnerability and my heart on the line. I’m stepping up to the proverbial plate. I can feel my own sweetness, desire and deep commitment. I am finding my way back to my dream. Did I say “Phewww” already?
5) I know what I need- a word I can really hang onto and own for this huge stage of my life / what feels like a trial. I choose the word “faith,” because that’s what I need to have. For sure I am not alone; I am not random. (Raised by an atheist dad and a spiritual mom I have been very confused about this my entire life.) I am connected, I am called-on, and I am on the path of my purpose. I can (and do) have faith in something bigger than my small mind that loves to worry and protect my ego. I keep reminding myself of this.
6) I put on a piece of jewelry from my good friend Mary. Her “Believe” necklace got me through my home renovation by the skin of my sanity. Her throat chakra pendant got me through auditioning for TV. And, I have no question that her “Faith” piece will come through for me now. Here I am with it on. I need to WEAR my realization, like a talisman to remind myself always of what I need to keep coming back to: my faith in myself and in the universe. I need to keep it right between my heart and where my mouth is. Ahhhh……Perfect.
I am feeling restored, until the next time I want to expand. Thank goodness for you. Thank goodness for the world outside my head and all you seekers and learners and evolvers who want something better for yourselves, your loved ones and the world. Thank you for being a huge source of comfort to me. And thank you for reading my blogs this year.
Much love always,
Laurie
P.S.- If you love Mary’s jewelry too, then use this code to get 10% off any item. Use this code: HGFAITH10. Here’s the link: http://www.marymargrill.com/skippy-diggy-diamond-faith-necklace-R0PA053516-00L1689.htm
