Usually my husband’s jokes get an eye roll or a snicker from me, but today I tried something new. I told him he is so funny. (He is.) I smiled big. I looked right at him and beamed. I was the sun and he was a big, purring cat, basking in my light. In the next few moments he made three more jokes and I became the basker.
I was struck by how what I watered grew, instantly, before my very eyes. In parenting education I had heard this theory many times: What you affirm multiplies. And in the New Age world you often hear that theoretically: What you focus on expands. But here it was before me, so practical, measurable, real.
I felt heady with power and it made me wonder why I so often avoid feeling this kind of power. It actually felt quite vulnerable to have produced this effect of pride and joy in my husband, because the next thing I noted was how easily I could (and sort of wanted to) crush it. I thought of all the times I’d happily, and still quite powerfully, withheld my approval and pleasure from him on purpose. This is my form of control and it kills intimacy and love in all my relationships. Calling it out helps me keep it on its leash and design something new. That’s all I want for you, too.
So, take stock of the relationships you regret having lost and now the current ones you are ruining. The good news is, maybe it’s you! Meaning you can fix them as surely as you can destroy them. I am specifically talking to those of you in love relationships, but this actually applies to all relationships. Where have you been making sure disapproval keeps the other person in check? Where have you been withholding love, approval or affection as a test or a manipulation? Accepting your power is a scary and vulnerable thing. We don’t like to be responsible for our power and that’s why we concoct elaborate explanations as to why our relationship issues are not our fault, but the other person’s, or our upbringing, or time, or fate.
Will, my husband, is leading a teleseminar about keeping monogamy hot next Tuesday. He’s going to cover all the ways you’ve stopped or refused to do what you know is right and helpful in your relationship. Since not everyone can make it to the call (but if you sign up you get the recording), I wanted to be sure to include the gist here (though it of course works better if you personalize it). Own your power to have your intimacy be sustained or reborn, or die a slow, painful death. It’s all on you. Nobody and nothing is coming to save you and make things better (besides this blog xoxox). This is good news, because you’ll feel so proud when you take back the reins.
Take a moment to leave a comment about someone you love and what you know you could do to get the relationship hotter, deeper, better and more likely to last and flourish. Let it be your first step in becoming the MASTER of your universe and all the love you could ever want.
P.S.- Don’t miss the teleseminar, Hot Monogamy on Tuesday, Dec 13 from 12-1pm ET. Even if you can’t attend live, register now to get a link to the recording!