Psst. Can we tell you our secrets?
Yup, we actually think it’s the key to happiness. And we’ve practiced a lot here at Handel, in order to prove it true.
I just sent an email to three friends I am seeing this weekend to say that my acne is acting up more than usual and I am embarrassed for them to see me. Heck, I am embarrassed to tell you. You might think I’m gross, unhealthy, vain or self-centered but I want to be able to say these things anyway. It’s true that I am embarrassed and it may be true that I am gross, vain, self-centered or unhealthy. If I say it out loud, I have to deal with all of that. Then, I don’t have to work to squoosh my feelings or my “dark side” instead. We know what a slippery slope that can be and many of us turn to food, drugs, alcohol and inappropriate relationships in order not to have to deal with these feelings.
Squooshing the truth about ourselves is really damaging. Here are the negative side effects from my perspective:
1) Instead of dealing with some truth (such as some wrong we did or some hurt or some embarrassment), we feel bad about it. We do long term penance instead of taking the actual consequences of our actions and thoughts and feelings. We almost always punish ourselves more than someone else ever would.
2) We don’t get to deal head on with the things that are not working in our lives. As long as you squoosh your truth, you don’t have to hold yourself to account or hold anyone else to account. Sometimes the status quo is way less than desirable like in the case of love. Often couples won’t tell when they’re attracted to other people or cheating or dissatisfied with sex, reasoning it’s better not to know, but then they don’t deal with the issues that aren’t working in the relationship (usually it’s quite equally BOTH parties!).
3) We don’t like ourselves that much when we squoosh the truth. If we can’t talk about something, it must be bad. Not talking solidifies judgement of others and self. Once an opinion or confession reaches the light of day it is open to conflicting interpretations. Hiding alone in our minds seems only one way: truly unilaterally bad. Then we even collect evidence from the outside world to confirm our suspicions (thinking we know what others think or how they will react) further justifying the secrecy. Oh, it’s a tangled web!
Look for wherever you are feeling disconnected or numb in your life right now. Most likely there are secrets and lies (most likely not ONLY yours).
Speaking up and telling the truth is the GREAT THAW! If we want more intimacy and connectedness with ourselves and others, we have to be willing to BE ourselves. It’s true people are judging and it’s true we may be hurt by their judgements. But people are going to judge regardless, and often based on misinformation rather than the truth. So we might as well make telling the truth sexy. If more of us do it, the safer it will be. And the great joke becomes that EVERYONE is hiding, and everyone is scared of other people’s judgements. So we are all just pawns in each other’s games until we start to reveal.
We know it’s hard to go first and we know there is safety in numbers and that’s why we are inviting you to our Taste of Life Coaching, a free teleseminar to dip your toe in the Handel Method®, plus it’s free! The more who come, the more fun it will be.