Have you always wanted to be a parent but the right partner never showed up on time?
I always pictured what my baby would look like. I saw myself holding him or running around the backyard and laughing. I knew I would be an awesome mother. I have so much love to give. But time and time again, I kept getting myself into bad relationships that didn’t end well. And there I was, before I knew it, single in my mid 40’s.
I had a choice.
I could whine, blame and avoid the dating sites, unconsciously (or fine, consciously!) blame my parents’ failed marriages, blame my failed attempt at marriage…OR, I could do something a tad more useful than blame, excuse, and justify.
I decided that if I was going to be a mother I was going to create that experience exactly how I wanted it to be. Because, at HG, we teach a principle called authoring, or creating our dream and designing it to play out how we want.
It is OUR dream, afterall.
So what did I want? How did I see the experience of BECOMING a mother? What did I look like? Who was around me? What was the weather where I was? These are some of the questions I started to ask myself when I closed my eyes and began to write my dream and design the experience of becoming a mother, because there are A LOT of ways to become a mother.
Sure, I could have done IVF, except when I closed my eyes and imagined my wish fulfilled, I didn’t see myself pregnant and alone. I continued asking those types of questions and then, as it happens, I “coincidentally” (only, not) heard from some old neighbors of mine who had just adopted a baby. They told me about their experience, and it just felt right.
This was it.
I started to design my baby plan around what my neighbors had done and used my best manifesting skills as I pictured myself holding my baby in my arms. For those of you unfamiliar with manifesting or the (less crazy) work of Neville Goddard, here’s how HG defines it:
The act of causing something or bringing a specific result to fruition by thinking, feeling, and acting in accordance with a vision for what we want, no matter what our desire is – from a parking spot, to a lover, to a new job, to a vacation, etc.
When designing a plan to realize your dreams, besides simply (ha) manifesting, you also need the right actions in place. You need what we’d call “spiritual integrity” (your thoughts), “emotional integrity” (your feelings), AND “physical integrity” (your actions) all to align with your dream. So, with the help of my coach, I created my own laws to follow. The more closely you follow your rules, the more you will stay on track with your dream.
What were my rules?
I gathered a small team of friends to help me and remind me of why I was doing what I was doing if I ever started to doubt myself. When I did, they got me back on track. I had a rule that I had to reach out to one of them each time a doubt bubbled up. I did doubt and question myself along the way, but I used my team of friends to help me. One of my doubts was about money. Could I afford to have a kid? My friend said, “there are people with a lot less money than us who have kids who are thriving.” And I got right back on track.
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Here were some of my other rules:
- I wasn’t allowed to read any adoption blogs, Facebook pages, or anything negative about adoption.
- I could only buy the baby a few gifts.
- I could not share my plan with more than 8 people because I have a personality trait I have come to call “Duh-mbo” of asking for too many opinions and then discounting my own.
- I had to continue to do things that made me happy in my life, like yoga 4x per week and plan a yoga retreat or holiday before the baby was born, and I had to go out with friends at least 2x per week.
I made sure to follow every law I put in place as I was sure that it was my emotional, spiritual, and physical integrity that was the secret sauce to the magic I was not only designing, but causing, especially after the birth family chose me.
My son was born in September of 2015. Exactly one year after I started the process of adoption. He is the love of my life and my dream come true.
I authored it, designed it, and I made it happen.
We can decide how we want our life to look, feel, and happen. Authoring can be a formula, not just with parenting but with birthing anything you want to happen in your life.
P.S. Inner.U is a 12 session online course that gives you the tools to hack into your own life, hone your dreams, and have every last thing you want in the areas that matter most to you: CAREER, MONEY, LOVE, TIME, FAMILY, and HEALTH. Do this life thing better from wherever, whenever.