The “Done Dating?” group tele-course is starting next week and it got me really thinking about the mindset of falling in love and staying in love.
So I asked Will, my husband, about why we “work.” His answer:
“Lest my wife give you the impression that all is easy magic in our house, let me assure you it is not. Real life going on here, too. Yes, at times we push each other’s buttons. But, luckily for us, we seem to have in common the idea that what makes a marriage good is the sheer intention of its participants.
I think the thing that makes ours a great marriage has nothing to do with the history we’ve built or some kind of special compatibility we share. What makes it great is that we don’t expect it to be easy, and we know better than to think we should bail when things get dicey. This is invaluable for having a great marriage, ESPECIALLY when those times inevitably arrive when we just want to kill each other. However hurt and nasty we feel, there is only one option for us, which is to get to work to solve the problem. Nothing gets by.
This value doesn’t necessarily start at “I do;” it can start in the first conversation. A relationship that’s built to last, a great marriage, has no room for “I don’t want to talk about it.” My recommendation, if you’re interested in being “done dating,” is to clear all the garbage out of your head, your habits and your history, so you are ready to get to work on designing the relationship and the life you do want.”
Will’s Top Tips for Finding “The One”
1) Note who you are dating now. If you are not impressed, go to work on YOU. You reflect each other.
2) A relationship that’s built to last has no room for “I don’t want to talk about it.” If that exists in your relationship, change it.
3) Understand your history, it has great themes and clues about what needs to shift – especially if you want to be “Done Dating.” (We do this in the course.)
4) You don’t need to find some rare, ideal person whose perfection circumvents all that’s wrong with you. You do have to design a relationship with someone you admire, who is ready to get to work with you.
Spring is in the air…