I Created This Mess? | Handel Group

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I Created This Mess?

I’ll never forget the day I walked away from my life in Los Angeles. It was a beautiful southern California day in the spring of 2005. I sat on the sidewalk outside a busy post office with a backpack and my laptop, waiting for a friend to pick me up. I weighed 265 pounds and had just left my husband. I had taken the first step toward changing my life. I was leaving everything I knew and was going to start a new life. As I sat thinking about what I had done, I realized how scared I was. I didn’t know my next move; I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Now what? My life was a big mess.

Months later, I moved up to northern California to regroup and clean up the wreckage of my life. I knew the first thing I had to do was get healthy and work on my body. I began dieting and losing weight, but after awhile it felt like I was battling an unknown force. I couldn’t explain it. I was doing all the right things, but it was like I was missing a piece of the puzzle. I felt disconnected from my weight loss journey for some reason, almost like I wasn’t in control.

After about a year and a half of trying to lose weight and get healthy, I hit a wall. I had lost about 50 pounds, but was starting to put the weight back on. It was at that time when I started coaching with Lauren Zander.

During one of my first conversations with Lauren, I was complaining to her about my messy divorce and how my husband was a jerk, when suddenly she cut me off and said, “Katie, you’re talking about your life like you’re a weather reporter.”

“What?” I asked, confused.

“There are two ways to look at your life. You’re either being a weather reporter, reporting on your life like it’s the weather and you have no control over it, or you’re being an author and designing your life. Which one are you?”

“I don’t know,” I said, still confused.

“I’ll tell you. You’re talking like a weather reporter, but you’re actually the author.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’re the author of your life. We all are. You created this mess. You chose your husband. You put on all the weight. You did it. No one did this to you.”

I immediately got annoyed. Did she think I wanted to marry the wrong guy? And that I wanted to end up in a bitter divorce at age 38? And that I wanted to get fat? Did she really think this was how I wanted my life to go?

“You think I did this on purpose?” I asked, sarcastically.

“Katie, we are all authoring everything, all the time whether we realize it or not. You didn’t have to marry your husband. And YOU have control over your hand and what you put in your mouth. No one forced you to eat. No one forced you to get married. It was you.”

I sat quietly thinking for a long time. No one had ever been that honest with me about anything, and here she was being honest about everything. The truth was, she was right. It was me, all of it. I made this mess: I married the wrong guy, knowing deep down it was never going to work. I overate, using food to numb myself. I had done this.

“You’re right,” I said softly. “I did this. I created this mess.”

The moment the words came out of my mouth, everything changed. It was like I had just confessed a deep dark secret that I was afraid to admit, especially to myself. Immediately, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was free, because I had finally taken responsibility for my actions and the messes I made in my life and I could stop blaming everyone else. I was now the conscious author of my life and I could not only write a better story, but I could write my life great. I got my power back and felt like I was in control of my life again. I had made this mess and now I was going to clean it up.

Quickly, everything in my life shifted after that conversation with Lauren. I also started to believe that my dream for my body was possible. I had found my missing puzzle piece from before: my belief. I felt clearer and walked with purpose on my weight loss journey, knowing I would achieve my dream. And I did.

What messes do you need to own in order to clear a path to your dreams? Share yours below so others benefit.


P.S.- If you’re overwhelmed by your messes, don’t worry. We will help you clean them up. Check out our Dream Body Tele-Course. These 8 weeks will help you feel happy and empowered about being in control of your life; plus, you’ll lose weight!