I made three rather exceptional mistakes yesterday that I’d like to share with you. Make sure you read to the end for the amazing twist.
It all started the day before when our babysitter said she had to leave town unexpectedly and the current week would be her last week. I was immediately panicked, for not only do we rely on the babysitter to pick up our children (while we work), but she also handled a ton of other important things and at THIS time of year the kids have even more kooky schedules and require more adults (not less!) to shepherd the whole situation.
Lucky me, my husband said he wasn’t worried and he would handle it. In the past, he has been responsible for hiring babysitters and managing the kids’ schedules, so he certainly has the ability. But no, I could not trust this, I could not butt out, I just had to attempt to control the situation.
Mistake #1: I believed the theory “we are screwed.”
MIstake #2: I started taking panic-based actions.
Almost obsessively, I started calling and emailing people I thought might be able to help, and instead of being comforted by several random offers, a little of this and a little of that, I only let it overwhelm me more. How was I going to coordinate all of that? And then came a little whisper of a voice that said, “Laurie, Will (my husband) said he was going to handle this, you are not being smart by taking it over.”
Mistake #3: Taking (back) a job from someone else.
Whereas my husband forgives my anxiety and understands why I took the actions I did, my mistakes undermine him. I made his job more complicated by taking it in different directions and conveyed a sense of not trusting him. I promise I do trust him, but those actions and that attitude did not convey it. I have apologized and he has forgiven me. It’s not fair for my fear to be taken out on him. Plus my fear was based on a bad theory. Not just bad (as in counter to my dream-state), but wrong. See Mistake #1. We are not screwed.
By the end of the day, the babysitter had reported (to my husband not me) that she’d be able to stay on afterall. Ummm, what? Here is the most interesting part of this revelation. I had asked her myself hours earlier “was she really leaving?” and she said “yes,” but to my husband she reported being able to stay. My interpretation: the world lines up with my theory, no matter how negative or wrong it may be.
The babysitter issue working out is my husband’s manifestation, not mine. I contributed only extra drama and stress for myself. All along my husband believed it would be fine and ultimately saw life line up in accordance with his belief.
He did three things right:
Win #1: He believed the theory “this will all work out.”
Win #2: He took very few actions but they came from an inspired an trusting place.
Win #3: He continued to see it as his job and forgave me for interfering, ultimately getting to be the hero.
This is an excellent demonstration of emotional integrity. Although I may have looked like I was doing the right thing in response to a problem, I wasn’t. My integrity was off both physically (I can’t take over his job) and mentally/emotionally (I let a bad theory rule the day). Just in case you are starting to think I’m being too hard on myself, let me assure you I am harkening back to one of the most important tenets of Personal Integrity® and that is, HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR!
So after all is said and done, I’ve had a good chuckle at my three mistakes and the silliness of the fact that it all turned out to be a false alarm. It reminds me of a quote by Mark Twain I was raised hearing and clearly have spent my life trying to learn and teach. To paraphrase: “I’ve had a lot of troubles in my life, most of them never happened.”
Gosh that’s brilliant. It gives me goosebumps. Please let it sink in. My dream is to help relieve suffering on this planet, so if you are taking on pain, problems or believing bad theories you have no business believing, please learn from my mistakes. You can put them down right now.
P.S.- Want to practice the method in a group with huge amounts of encouragement? Register for our Design Your Life Telecourse.