There are a lot of things I want in my life. I have big dreams about regular things: I want the love in my life to be deep and everlasting, I want my career to be fulfilling and make a huge impact on the world and I want to enjoy living in my body boundlessly. You? I have been studying how to ensure this for a really long time and, for your sake and mine, I’m going to keep sharing what I learn. Two things stop you from having everything you want: your brat tendencies and your relationship to fear. Let’s handle fear today. Here are the top three myths about fear and why shouldn’t believe them.
1) Fear Means Stay Away
I’m not talking about truly dangerous situations like scaling cliffs or attacks by wild animals, in which real fear is based on real, life-threatening risks. I’m talking about the common fears you and I have of disappointment and embarrassment that we embellish in our minds to justify avoiding taking risks that would get us closer to our dreams. When a friend asks you about pursuing that job you wanted, that date you wanted or how your weight loss is going, and you find yourself telling them a list of reasons why it’s not working, then you are probably experiencing that kind of common fear. If you feel stuck, edgy, defensive, self-doubting, or just “blah” about the area, that’s another sign you are probably up against that kind of common fear. Your reasons, which sound true, rational and real (the economy, the weather, your environment, upbringing, genetics, etc.) are designed by you to distract you from your fear, which, upon investigation, will turn out to be unjustified and misguided.
The take-away is this: when you discover avoidance based on fear, counteract it by “going for it.” That means: send X resumes per week, ask people out, have the difficult conversation to clear the air, tell people you are giving up sugar, ask for the raise. I’m not a total “pie in the sky” positive thinker! Still scared? You can mitigate risks intelligently. For example, if you are hiring someone new, then test them for three months before offering a contract, if you are giving a talk or class you’ve never done before, then practice a lot, if you’re cutting out bread, then start with one week.
If I had taken all the “signs” that making a TV show was a bad idea, like the fact that I could barely breathe or think straight at my first few meetings (I was so scared), then I would have never gone to the seventh round of meetings that actually turned into making a TV show. (And, by the way, the next round of facing fears.) I expect I will keep having the urge to run from my fears, but then also keep remembering to run towards them instead, so I can continue expanding my capacity. You too, please.
2) Trying and Failing Is Worse Than Never Trying
This is simple, and if you try it, you will agree. As soon as you start your new exercise plan or ask the person out, you will feel great. You will get rejected many times if you are willing to face fears and go for things, but you will also find yourself proud so much of the time! Please try it, even go for being rejected just to lighten up about it a little. Practice saying “I’m disappointed” and “I’m so embarrassed.” (I do this, by the way.) These lines are the ones we avoid, but at great cost to our dreams. If you can demystify these experiences, you become impervious. You’ll be amazed at how much courage counts towards your self-respect. Even if you get rejected or fail, when you are taking risks you will feel alive and excited (mostly).
3) You Can’t
The past may have “taught” you that you are not who you wish to be or cannot have what you want. This is where the Handel Method® comes in. We want you to believe you can do/be/have what you want (get the job, find love, save love, feel beautiful and healthy) because belief is the first ingredient to building the reality. Manifesting principles teach that if you know yourself as the person who has what you want, very soon, you will have what you want. But how do you believe yourself to be this person? In a nutshell, here is our prescription:
– Dream: Write up what you want, dare to admit it.
– Purge: Write out all the reasons you’ve been giving your friends and yourself about why you don’t have what you want. Here you’ll be able to see what you are up against and call it BS. But if you don’t call it out, you can’t beat it.
– Pretend: In your mind, and even in your daily actions, pretend you already are the person you wish to be and that you already have what you wish to have.
– Imagine scenarios and write them up: Very specifically lay out different ways you could achieve your dream. For example, one year my coach asked me to write up several scenarios for how I could double my business. I did double the business that year but it wasn’t by any of the methods in my scenarios. Writing the scenarios made me think it was possible, though!
– Remember all the times you have thought you couldn’t do something and it turned out you could:Everyone has had that pleasant surprise at least a few times. Make a list of your against the odds successes to remind yourself that your head doesn’t always give you the best data for your confidence.
– Practice: Planning to do the right actions consistent with what you want and doing them always helps! Manifesting never works in a vacuum. If you are risking doing something new, like writing, acting, performing, presenting or asking someone out, PRACTICE. I know it seems mundane, but it works!
– Come to the teleseminar: If you need a real, spirited pep talk and coaching on facing your fears from two veterans who will tell you what it’s like from the inside of the process, come to the “Fear: Let’s Face It” teleseminar that I am co-leading with Mastin on Thursday, Aug 25 at 8:30pm ET. (You can also register now and listen later.)
If you do all this and you still don’t believe in your dream, I’ll be shocked. This really should do it. Just remember, all these great ideas have to be constantly refreshed, but luckily I’ll be back to remind you. Until then, all the best!