Freak OUT!

Sure, Handel Group teaches clients to human better, to get conscious of what we’re currently unconscious of and upgrade our operating systems (yes, we have a few!), BUT you know what we also teach humans? How to fold, fix, or fly their freak flag. Even at the office!

Your huh, what, where?!

I know. Hang in there. As I recently taught this to humans during a breakfast for Ticketmaster at their 2019 Sports Summit, it’s both insightful and alarmingly (as in a wakeup call) useful. Allow me to further explain:

Freak Flag (noun): Funky, funny, weird, potentially annoying things about ourselves that just haven’t gone away. Traits, mannerisms, and/or a style that come with our current packaging and are wholly “us.” Traits we don’t necessarily love about ourselves or are proud of, BUT, truth be told, they’re true about us, period. 

You know, like you’re always late, or bad at remembering birthdays, or you count pennies even though you’ve got a ton of money, or you (or my mom) like their dog better than most (if not all) people. 

Any of those sound familiar?

Truth is, we ALL have freak flags. And it’s really ok. Problem is, there are freaks among us who aren’t free about their flags (or other people’s flags) and instead of dealing with them, brokering new deals about them, or folding them, they’re suffering over them. 

Change is an inside job. And anywhere you’re not changing, it’s not coming from the inside. At HG, we’re doggedly (hi mom) committed to changing how much we humans suffer over not accepting something about ourselves or others OR, once and for real, facing change. 

We’ve found that there are two types of freak flags.  

The first type of Freak Flags are the ones that we fly out in the open, freely. It’s something you know about yourself and your nearest and dearest know it about you, too. And, although your people may not necessarily dig it about you, you’ve gotten them accustomed to it and they accept it.

Curious about one of my type one freak flags? 

Oh, just sit near me at dinner…what you’ll find out fairly quickly about me is that I like to share your food. And by “share” I mean eat off of your plate. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t just ambush you. I warn you first. I get your okay. And, well, if the food is really good, like at my sister Marnie’s house, I’ve been known to lick the soup or dessert right out of your plate…after mine.

As I was dating, you can imagine I had to prep new men for this flag of mine. For the record, my second ex-husband, whom I love, happened to be a German germaphobe, and although he certainly knew about my freak, gotta say, he was never a big fan of the flag I flew. Am I terribly interested in changing my freakishness anytime soon? Nah. Should you sit next to me if you don’t want my fingers in your plate? 

What do you think?

However, the problem with many of us humans isn’t really with the freak flags we fly out in the open that everyone knows about. The problem is with the ones we DON’T. The ones that we or the people in our lives don’t distinguish as freak flags and, instead, we suffer over, hide, lie about, apologize for, fight with others about, and/or wish were different about ourselves or others. The ones we or they are not going to change but we wish we or they would or could. Like, for example, you always yo-yo on diets, or they like porn, or you flake on plans, or they hate parties, or you smoke cigarettes on drink 3, or, or, or, etc. 

These undistinguished freak flags are being flown half mast and is what upsets other people about us and what upsets us about other people. Yes, it’s THAT list — you know the one — the one we have on our partner, our boss, our co-worker, our parent or parents, our sibling, our best friend, our soon-to-be (or should be) ex. In that list is everything that you won’t accept about others or they won’t accept about you. And instead of being upfront about it and either brokering a new deal or breaking up with them for it, we end up suffering, complaining, victimized, martyred, and gossiping about it.

Nod if you know THE list I’m talking about that someone has on you or you have on someone?  

So, what’s a type two freak flag of mine that I sometimes suffer over, wish were different, but am not really changing about me?

It’s got to do with me and marriage. 

I’ve been married twice. And the truth about my freak is that I just prefer the hunt and the heat of a new relationship so much more than the forever piece of it. I get bored. I start fixing them. And eventually, I get done with them and fixing them. So, my sister and coach, Lauren, has made me promise that I’m not going to get married for 13 years. Why 13? Because 12 years was the longest I lasted thus far in a committed relationship.

That’s right! At 72 (!!), all power to me, I can tie the knot if I want to with the man I am currently madly in love with. 

Suuure, I can sometimes giggle at this freak flag of mine, nod and know it’s true, and date accordingly. Sometimes it can bum me out and wish it was different. The man I’m with now that I love madly knows this about me. But, yes, I’ve been caught letting him talk engagement, trying to fix him, and shopping for an apartment with him without an I-can-leave-you clause. And boy did my fangs ever come out when my sisters caught me in my old fixing and wedding-bound ways, and made me cut it out and not just cut it out — fly it.

That’s right, I told my current boyfriend that he’s likely to be a statistic of mine and although I know he wants to get married, he’s got to wait until I’m 72. And, well, should we dare to buy a house together before then…I get a good-bye-clause. And guess what? He agreed. And, for the first time EVER, I waved this particular freak flag of mine fully and freely out in the open. 

Okay, now it’s your turn: Think about a type two freak flag that you or an important person in your life are currently NOT owning, hiding a bit, trying to “change” but not changing, and suffering over.

Truth is, ANY freak flag can be resolved. 

Your choice, particularly with freak flags that you or someone else are suffering over, is to either get honest about them and turn them into real type one freak flags that you own and fly freely, OR fix or fold it, forever. 

Easier said (or sad) than done? Sometimes. But that’s what we’re here for. There are bold and graceful conversations to be had AND scripted. There are promises to be made AND kept. Suffering, in our good book, IS optional. Find us. 

We swear, by the very nature of freak flags, we think they need to be either flown freely or folded, NOT flown at half mast. 

Love,

Beth

P.S. Inner.U is a 12 session online course that gives you the tools to hack into your own life, hone your dreams, and have every last thing you want in the areas that matter most to you: CAREER, MONEY, LOVE, TIME, FAMILY, and HEALTH. Do this life thing better from wherever, whenever.